Health & Science

The Delicate Art Of Dating With Food Allergies

dating, food allergies, Don't Pass The Nuts, Worry-Free Dinners, Allergic Girl

Allergic dating can be risky business.


This is not to say that there aren’t compromises to be made along the way in any relationship, but eating nuts and then wanting to kiss me aren’t one of those compromises. '
By Citizen Correspondent Allergic Girl , Manhattan, USA
Date Posted: 03/06/08
Reader Rating: rating

I've been allergic to tree-nuts and salmon for as long as I can remember. Throw in some of the nightshade family of veggies, some types of melons, most tropical fruits and lemongrass and you have one Allergic Girl. Needless to say, a dessert on a date can be quite an adventure and that end-of-the-evening kiss can be out of the question. (Originally published on Please Don't Pass The Nuts).

As my date perused the dessert menu he softly mumbled, “I don’t really want to eat dessert if you can’t have anything. I feel bad.”

I said equally softly, “Please don’t. I really can’t eat desserts out. But it would give me pleasure if you enjoyed some.”

That seems to do the trick and he settled on an allergen-friendly Key Lime gelato. We were at La Lanterna Caffe, tucked into the heart of the former Greenwich Village, now NYU-land, and a cozy mainstay for jazz, sweets, and conversation.

When our waiter/host/GM/tea buyer came around I inquired after the peppermint tea. He said, “We have two kinds, organic mint and a mint 'mélange'.”

“Hmmm a mix you say? It’s just mint? No almond flavors or something else nutty in that mix? I only ask because I’m allergic to nuts.”

“Nut allergies? Then you should leave right now. No, no I’m only joking. Seriously, don’t eat any of the desserts here. I always tell people when they have allergies that they shouldn’t eat dessert here. You have your Epi-Pen? ("I'm carrying two") Well, you know the story - we can’t control what we didn’t make.”

He then launched into a harrowing Tale of Two Lasagnas. Suffice it to say a nut-pesto contaminated spatula was used with his nut-allergic best friend’s dinner. Facial edema ensued and then an ER visit but his friend was okay. The episode made a lasting and indelible impression upon our waiter/host/tea buyer, which meant now he “gets it.”

After his story, I thought it was perfect time to explain to my date the Allergic Girl protocol in case anything did happen whilst eating out. I didn’t do it earlier because I felt confident that I wouldn’t have an allergic issue.


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Re: The Delicate Art Of Dating With Food Allergies

By Robyn Stubbs, March 6, 2008 at 14:23

Allergy Girl, I feel your pain! My husband has brush his teeth and gargle before coming in for a wet one after he's eaten cookies!

You can call me Celiac Girl, and more recently, Dairy-Free Girl and Corn-Free Girl. I think you'll believe me when I say that's one tough combination. It took a little while (a span of about 10 years) to actually pin down my food allergies. The thing I find most irritating is having the SAME CONVERSATION over and over: "What happens to you when you eat gluten?"

I totally understand the natural curiosity and the question itself is not irritating. But please understand: I have to mention my allergy every time I go out to eat and to have someone ask that question almost every time can make me feel like a broken record! And what am I supposed to say when the result of gluten contamination results in some pretty ugly digestion issues? Do you really want to know that I get constipated for weeks? There. I said it. I bet you're glad you asked ;)

Having gotten that off my chest, food allergies are becoming increasingly common and I am grateful that so many people are so understanding about it. I used to feel quite bad going into restaurants and custom-ordering my meal, but these days, the service industry is getting used to those requests and beginning to realize that's not just because I'm a picky eater.

I also have to say that you make a really good point about food allergies and dating: You can tell a lot about a potential partner by the way he reacts to your food allergies - it's a built-in test!

Robyn Stubbs
Community Building Editor