Davina and I already have so many wedding and partnership anniversaries, for every time we were able to access legal rights and benefits. We’re going to get married again on Labor Day, which is our twelfth anniversary together, in the same place we had our first ceremony 10 years ago.

Right now we’re just contacting friends and family, trying to coordinate everyone’s schedule. Anyone who’s ever planned a wedding knows how much work it is! (laughs) What’s really beautiful about the California Supreme Court decision is that we now have the same choices as heterosexual couples when it comes to planning a legal marriage.

This time it doesn’t have that same sense that it did when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom [1] began issuing marriage licenses, where you had to rush down to City Hall as fast as you could, and at any moment you thought that a court order might come in and stop it.

There’s something really beautiful about being able to be relaxed…it feels like we’re exercising our rights as full citizens of the United States. This time we don’t have to worry that someone’s going to take it away from us, although we know there’s a constitutional amendment fight in November still looming over us.

We have friends - couples who had been together 25 years - who aren’t even going to get married until after November because it’s just too painful to have it in jeopardy, but I think we’re going to be able to defeat the challenges in the state of California.

Davina And Molly

Growing up, everyone wants to get married and live happily ever after. That was certainly a dream I had as well. When you’re a little kid, you just want to live your dream.

When I came out when I was 19 years old, that vision had never changed. It just became more clear that the person who I’d be committed to forever would be a woman, and not a man.

Davina and I met at a country western bar. We met dancing. I saw her and I thought she was about the cutest thing I’d ever seen in my life. I was with a couple of friends and I kept telling them to dance me closer to her and trying to catch her eye. Finally I brushed her arm and she said, “Uh, do you want to dance?”

At that time we were both 25, she was passing her licensing exam as a psychologist and I was taking the California Bar exam. We would meet each other for dance dates and have such a wonderful time. Once each of us had got through our big professional hurdles, we went out on our first date and started really talking.

I just had this feeling of falling. I saw my whole world opening up. I called my mom that next weekend and said, “Mom, I have found the one.” I knew right away. I was so lucky she felt the same way, and within a month we’d exchanged rings. Within another month, we had moved in. A couple months after that she got down on one knee and asked me to marry her. I was so thrilled.

We started meeting with wedding vendors who were like, “Huh? What is this?” Remember, this was 10 years ago. I think we’ve come a long way already.

For the last 12 years we’ve grown as people, we’ve grown as a couple, celebrated each other’s victories and supported each other through hardships…All those things that make a marriage.

First Time Around

The first hurdle for us was to ask for our family’s participation. As a gay person, you don’t necessarily have that unconditional love and support.

We sent out invitations to our extended family. My invitation was more of a “For your information, your niece is gay.” The RSVP was so moving. I was so overwhelmed to know that unconditional support was coming from relatives who were very conservative. They didn’t necessarily “get it” yet, but when they came to the ceremony, so many of them said they got it then.

It really showed how transformative the wedding ceremony is. For many years, gay and lesbian couples have been the hole in the family quilt. Our spouses have always been our “special friends” or “roommates,” and all these other terms that don’t really spell out who our kin are.

The Moral Majority

Social progress is being made so quickly. It’s really a generational issue more than anything. Younger people can’t even believe it is an issue. There was a point in time 40 years ago, where there were still 13 states with laws on the books that banned people of different races from marrying one another.

When you make civil rights progress, it takes a minute for people to get used to the social change. Gay and lesbian people have been making tremendous strides forward and educating people about who we are. We’ve had to overcome stereotypes and a lack of visibility. We’ve been here all along, just without all the legal benefits. Our civil rights are coming, and coming very quickly.

May 15 California Supreme Court Ruling

Waiting for the ruling was the longest 15 minutes of my life. I knew it was going to be a close decision. We were waiting to see if justice would move forward and just how long our journey was going to be. We were just praying, really, that the court would see our humanity. “Let them be brave enough to take this righteous step forward.”

We had done so much groundwork to prepare for a ruling, so that if they ruled in our favor, they would be ruling into a community that was ready for this change. No matter what, I knew we’d keep marching, but I prayed this was the time.

I knew if California could do it, this would literally be the turning point of the movement, and I would see justice in my lifetime.

When the ruling did come out, it was…it was…it was…I mean, how do you put words to it? It was just euphoric. I felt so much gratitude in my heart for the courage of the Court. I felt so proud to be an American. This is another step forward for our country to be the inclusive, supportive, justice-and-liberty-for-all place that I’d always believed that it was when I was a little girl.

We are creating a world in which gay and lesbian kids will never have to grow up worrying that they would not be treated as equal citizens. This was a decision for the parents of gay and lesbian kids, giving them their dreams back that their kids can still marry and give them grandkids. It was a historic moment.

When the decision came out, my hands were shaking so much I could barely make the phone call to my wife to tell her what the decision was. Davina started crying and kept saying, “I knew it; I knew this could happen.” Of course she’s very practical, so she said we would have to start making plans.

November

It’s a patchwork right now. In California and Massachusetts, you can be married, but at the federal level, you do not have access to the 1138 federal rights that come with civil marriage.

The presidential election will matter very much. The Republican candidate John McCain does not support any relationship protections for gay and lesbian people. If he’s the president, there’s not going to be a whole lot of hope for the next four years. Obama and Hillary support civil unions, but are also on record as not supporting full marriage equality, but again, these interim steps forward make a real difference. It's inevitable; it's just a matter of time.

It’s Official

Marriage is a commitment between two loving people who wish to build a life together. There is absolutely no reason why same-sex couples should not have access to a civil marriage license. Religious differences aside, when it comes to the government, we have to treat people fairly under the law. We pay our taxes equally, and there’s absolutely no reason our families should not be treated equally.

Getting married this Labor Day won’t change our relationship with each other so much; we can’t love each other more. What it will do, is allow us to be treated as full, equal citizens. It means all those inconveniences and daily humiliations of not being recognized as a couple will go away. It will allow us to step up and be complete.

*****

If you enjoyed this story, you may also enjoy The Naked Reporter Defends Gays [2].