Hancock is the first movie I ever specifically saw because critics yawped about a Plot Twist so wrong-headed, I was dying of curiosity to see what it was. I had to go because no critic was kind enough to include a Spoiler in his review and save me the seven bucks I just blew on a Matinee Geezer Ticket. So here's my review.
First things first: To the critics who complained about the wrong-headed plot twist: one request. Could you be a little more specific next time?
Second: If you do plan to see the movie, and wish not to know of these major plot twists, you may read on until you see these words the second time-“SPOILER ALERT!”
Meanwhile, here's some critic boilerplate.
Will Smith plays John Hancock, an alcoholic Superhero who really really does not like to be called an “Asshole.” When called “asshole,” Hancock will either fling the offender high in the air (if it's a kid) or introduce the offender's head into the, er, anus of someone nearby. Good fun. I can just imagine the screenwriters mentioning this particular character trait to open their Pitch Session. I can see whoever was taking the pitch nodding knowingly and saying “You, my friends, are freaking geniuses.” Right.
Actually, the Wounded Superhero is fairly commonplace and is the reason why Superheroes may park in Handicapped spots. Their humanizing flaws can be physical like Superman and Kryptonite. Or emotional hangups like Batman or Spiderman suffer. It can be Anger Management issues, like The Incredible Hulk. Or it can be repressed homosexuality, like the Ambiguously Gay Duo, or the Superhero of my new screenplay, “Codpieceman.”
Hancock soon saves the life of a PR hack played by Jason Bateman, who owes his agent a big wet one for putting him in position to steal a movie from Will Smith-no mean fete. The PR dweeb is married to Charlize Theron, who is hot. We now pause to think: What the hell dos she see in PR Dweeb? Dunno, Must not have come up.
As payback, PR Guy helps Hancock have an image makeover and thus become appreciated. Afterall, Hancock is a lush who flies drunk, cusses, is generally abhorred and frequently sued. He also really likes Meat Balls and Spaghetti and is a pal to the fun couple's kid. Awwwww.
On the agenda for Hancock is a stint in the pokey for past sins, a new Unitard for his Superhero work and some sessions with AA. Hancock cooperates with the ideas, saves a bunch of people and celebrates at a dinner with the fun couple. He then deposits the drunken PR man in bed and…scuse me a minute: SPOILER ALERT!!!!!
Next, Hancock throws a liplock on Charlize and-wait for it, wait for it-she flings him through a wall and out into the street. That's right, Superhero fans, she's one too. I didn't guess that, but in retrospect I now realize producers will take any opportunity to double the possibility of a sequel.
At this point the movie begins to lurch from improbability to improbability like coldcocked Tomato Can freshly hooked by an in-his-prime Joe Frazier. Tragically, both Superheroes are afflicted with the bane of Superheroes--a kind of reverse polarity disorder. This means they both can become mere Mortals when in each other's company. And while we learn they were “married” in a past life, now they get along like Hillary and Obama near the end of their campaign.
The end of the movie is approaching, so naturally, they fight each other. Then he gets shot and then she gets shot and he saves her life by playing Hopscotch. I'm not making that up. He literally hops down the street and with each landing, she gets a little Heart Start.
They both survive. Of course they both survive-this is from Hollywood, the Land where Imagination Goes to Die.
END SPOILER ALERT
Is this a superhero Ishtar? Yeah. Because Ishtar wasn't nearly as bad as it was made out to be. Is it gawdaweful bad? Not really. It's got a really good cast, And there are some funny moments. If you've seen the trailers and TV spots, you've seen the action highlights. I must have seen that poor freaking whale flung out to sea 50 times. (It was part of a commercial-talk about product placement)
Director Peter Berg isn't much of an action director and the script sucks. You may have to stiffle a yawn or two during the climactic sequences. CGI has made the impossible not only possible, but increasingly banal. The “wow” factor is all but gone.
Will Will Smith survive? Of course. The movie will have a huge 4th of July weekend, a weekend Smith owns very year, and from which othr studios run like scared little bunnies. But Smith should be careful next time. A few more Gobblers like this, and the bunnies may return.
